HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL (1959, U.S.)

Have Rocket, Will Travel

(1959) 76 minutes
Columbia Pictures Corporation
Screenplay: Raphael Hayes
Cinematography by Ray Cory
Produced by Harry A. Romm
Directed by David Lowell Rich

With: Moe Howard (Moe), Larry Fine (Larry), Joe DeRita (Curly-Joe), Anna-Lisa (Dr. Naarveg), Robert Colbert (Dr. Benson), Jerome Cowan (Morse)

***

In 1959, after being off of the screen for a year, the boys returned to the movies in HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL. The film opens with voice-over narration by radio/TV announcer-turned-actor Don Lamond (Larry Fine's former son-in-law), which speaks of America's efforts to "send a metal bird into the heavens".

The head of the National Space Foundation, Mr. Morse (character actor Jerome Cowan, the second actor to play Dagwood Bumstead's boss Radcliffe in the "Blondie" movies), his top scientist, Dr. Ingrid Naarveg (Virna Lisa), and the foundation's resident analyst, Dr. Ted Benson (Robert Colbert, Dr. Doug Philips on ABC's "The Time Tunnel) are preparing to launch another rocket, the third one in the project into space.

The effort is not successful, as the rocket malfunctions and crashes into a large mountainous area outside of the launch site. Awakened by the commotion, the foundation's resident janitors, Moe, Larry & Curly Joe, get dressed and run towards the crash site, where they are ordered to watch the ship until the foundation can salvage the machine and save it's occupant: a lab monkey. The monkey is still alive inside the rocket, and the Stooges head for the tool shed to get picks and shovels to free the poor animal.

The Stooges do get into the ship, but through their bumbling, they send the rocket over a cliff, where it arights itself. They finally get themselves and the monkey out of the ship via a hidden door.

In the meantime, Dr. Benson wants to pitch some woo with Dr. Naarveg, But the young scientist is only interested in her work. Embittered by the rejection, Benson leaves the lab, growling, "I hope that you'll be very happy together".

While cleaning up the lab, the Stooges and Dr. Naarveg find out from Mr. Morse that the Foundation's Board Of Director's are unimpressed with the lack of success with the recent rocket launches. Morse tells his employees that "If by the next meeting of the board, you can't come up with a solution to the fuel and thrust problems, the Board is seriously considering a halt to this project".

The young physicist is devastated by the potential loss of her work. The Stooges feel sorry for he, Morse feels no pain at the happy thought of being rid of his three incompetent custodians: "I can't say that none of you will be missed! For I do not believe that there are three more bumbling, incompetent, stumble-footed men on this earth!". Morse' anger is only heightened when his foot gets caught in a misplaced bucket filled with soapy water.

The Stooges realize that they have to do something to save the space program, and prevent Dr. Naarveg from being fired. Late that night, they sneak into the lab to try and revamp the formula for rocket fuel. After adding liquid hydrogen, kerosene, borlium, together with popcorn and sugar, our heroes solve the thrust problem and begin to pump the fuel into the ship.

Unfortunately, their efforts are hampered by Larry dropping the key to the ship down the sink. Angered, Moe and Curly Joe pick up their partner and stick his head into the sink's open drain. Moe orders Curley Joe to go downstairs and trace that drainpipe to it's source. While Moe forces Larry to find the key, Morse calls from his bedroom, demanding to know "what are you three doing in the lab at this hour of the night? And what's all that noise going on in there, and all those lights?".

Moe tries to cover up for their intrusion, but their irate boss makes it clear that "if that lab isn't shut and quiet in the next ten minutes, I'm going to come over there and make a mess out of you!". Moe believes that Larry has gotten himself stuck in the sink and he tries to get his pal, by using liquid soap to help slide him out. Moe slaps his partner and spills the soap down the drain, which spills onto Curly Joe's face, causing him to crash into the plumbing system, destroying the water pipes.

Curley Joe tries to fix the plumbing system, but gets himself caught in a series of mixed-up pipes, creating a massive flood. Unable to tolerate the noise any further, Morse gets dressed and heads for the lab, Which by now is engulfed by water. After he opens the delivery entrance, Morse chases the trio into the woods, where Moe cuts off the hose that connects the fire hose system to the rocket's fuel source.

Morse follows the leaking hoses, and after lighting a match, drops it on the volatile fluid, not knowing that the Stooges are hiding inside the ship. The ship takes off on a runaway trip to the planet Venus. Our heroes try to contact Earth via the ship's radio, but Larry swallows the power tube, and Moe and Curly Joe are forced to operate on him. The operation is halted when the medical kit floats about the ship.

The ship eventually lands on Venus. The Stooges regain their footing, and Larry spits out the power tube, only to have Curly Joe fall on it and smash it to pieces. Making the best of the situation, the Stooges put on space suits and decide to explore the planet, in hopes of finding intelligent life, and returning home with their discovery.

During their exploration of the planet, the Stooges escape from a giant fire-breathing spider, and an evil talking robot, who plots to use the Stooges as models for three evil robotic doubles which will head back to Earth to destroy mankind.

Luckily, the Stooges manage to escape the robot, and the evil doubles. One of the robotic Stooges unknowingly pushes one of the control buttons, which sends the trio out of the robot palace, and onto a grassy knoll.

The Stooges find a kindly talking unicorn, who they nickname Uni. (Uni's voice is dubbed by Dallas McKennon, the voice of "Confusion" in George Pal's TOM THUMB, and the voice of "Buzz Buzzard", Woody Woodpecker's foe in Walter Lantz' "Woody Woodpecker" cartoons).

Moe, Larry & Curly Joe head for the rocket ship, and after the giant spider sends a burst of flames at the ship's power source, our heroes head back to earth, much to the outrage of the robot (voiced by Don Lamond), who angrily gives his robotic henchmen a triple face-slap.

When they return to Earth, the Stooges are hailed as heroes, and invited to a black-tie reception. Despite their efforts to polite, Curley Joe creates havoc by inadvertently poking his fork into the sofa and taking out a large spring, which sticks to his butt. He begins to bounce all over the dance floor and bump into the guests. This leads to a face-slapping free-for-all, as the other guests attack each other in retaliation for insulting the Stooges.

Seeing that they're in trouble again, the Stooges leave the party with Uni, and it's a good thing that they did; at that moment, the three evil robot Stooges land on earth and begin attacking the party guests.

The final scene has Moe, Larry and Curly Joe flying through space, still dressed in their tuxedoes, as they sing the title tune: "We've paved the way for Outer Space! We've even helped the human race! And now we tell you, face-to-face, my friends! We've done it! You've had it! The End!" Larry And Curly Joe smash two cream pies into Moe's face.

***

I was lucky enough to meet and interview the late "Officer" Joe Bolton back in May of 1975, three weeks after Moe Howard succumbed to lung cancer. "Officer Joe" told me that he began doing personal appearances with the Stooges at the RKO/Stanley/Warner movie theaters in New Jersey in January 1959.

"We did personal appearances at the Stanley theater in Jersey City, and Montauk Theater in Passaic. When we got to the Stanley theater, we got a call from the Newark City Police to come back to the movie theater there. Otherwise, there would be a riot! So we went back, and did three more shows there."

The following month, the boys and "Officer Joe" did more personal appearances at the Lowe's State Theaters and Loew's Orpheum Theaters in Manhattan, Several Lowe's theaters in Brooklyn and Queens, and Lowe's Paradise in The Bronx. The PA's were a hit with the kids and the response to the film was so good, the Stooges went on to do more feature films. Four of them were created and produced by their own studios, "Normandy Productions, Inc."

- Kevin S. Butler

Video/DVD availability: VHS/DVD (Columbia Home Video)

The Three Stooges face their robot doubles in this surreal scene from HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL.

Marvelous half-sheet from HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL.